he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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