Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
