It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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