Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
