The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never underestimate the power of titties
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
