Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
