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im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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