ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
