Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bring me that man meat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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