the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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