Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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