Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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