i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
