Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
