Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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