your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
