Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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