Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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