I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
