we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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