One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
