1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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