i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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