Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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