That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
