i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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