I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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