He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
