see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the day after is always just damage control
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm like, not good at living.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
