She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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