I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
