Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I need moral support for this bender
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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