I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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