True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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