you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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