Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
