Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
