I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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