She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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