I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
