very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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