And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
