He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
