She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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