oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
