I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
