dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
