My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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