you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
