I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
