who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
