No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
