Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
