all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
