I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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