Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
