a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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