Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
