I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
