Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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