Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the condom got lost in my hair
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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