that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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