i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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