The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
