i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
