I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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