So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
