chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's like iHOP with fire
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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