EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know her cup size but not her name....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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