Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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