Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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