I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
