Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
