he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
