Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
