At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
