The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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