Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
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so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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