if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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