it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Congratulations! We have a period
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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