Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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